


Darlin' Dax

by swimmingwolf59



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, General DS9 spoilers, M/M, Mentions of major and minor character death, Some Humor, Some angst, Spoilers about Dax's past, letter format, lifelong friendship, tng spoilers, tos movie spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 22:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimmingwolf59/pseuds/swimmingwolf59
Summary: Dax and Bones stay in touch after their encounter at Ole Miss and send messages to each other throughout their lifetimes.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Dax, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Emony

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not the only one who went a bit feral learning that Dax and Bones knew each other, right? Right? I just think they’d be great friends lol 
> 
> I kinda imagined these as video/audio recorded messages sent to one another, rather than old fashioned letters, and then the stuff structured like texts are texts, or whatever the 23rd century subspace equivalent of a text is. And just to be clear, these letters aren’t always direct replies to the previous letter, because that would make this fic a million times longer than it already is lol
> 
> I hope there are no timeline mistakes because I worked really damn hard trying to figure it out lol. Memory alpha was a godsend, as always
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

Stardate 2245.9

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_How’s that for an intro? You asked me to keep in touch, so I’m going to assume that wasn’t just you being polite to some Southern hick you never want to see again. You seemed like a very open and blunt person—no offense intended—when we were talking, so I get the feeling you would’ve told me outright if you didn’t want me to contact you. Frankly, I found your honesty very refreshing! So many folks around here are so desperate to make friends they’ll invite just about anyone to dinner. Makes it hard to tell who’s really interested, though I can’t say it’s been bad for my ego!_

_Hope you made it back to Trill alright. I can’t even imagine how long and painful that ride must have been – I thought my commute up here was long, and that was only a few hours in a hovercar! I’ve never even_ been _to space. All those high-tech gadgets that scramble your molecules across the universe don’t really appeal to me. I’m fine right here with all of my molecules intact, thank you very much._

_Anyway, give me a holler when you can. Can’t promise much, being pre-med and all, but I’ll shove aside some time to message you. And yes, I promise I’ll try to go out more. Anything so I don’t have to see my godawful roommate._

Stardate 2245.10

_Lovely Lenny,_

_How’s_ that _for an intro? I was very pleased to get your message. I made it back to Trill just fine, although my trainer, Jerat, seems to think that being in space made me gain weight – like_ that _makes any sense. He wasn’t very thrilled with me leaving in the first place, but he’s just weird like that. Ever since I became a host for the Dax symbiont, he’s treated me like I’m made of glass._

_Anyway, I told him it was worth going because I met such a charming young man there – you should’ve seen his face, Len! I thought he was going to bust a gut! You would’ve loved it._

_I miss you already. Your dry sense of humor and sarcasm were as refreshing to me as my honesty apparently was to you. No one here can take a joke._

_Speaking of jokes, I think I hit it off with the pilot of the ship I was on coming back. He even asked me if he could see me again! He’s a Trill, but he’s someone I think I could really have fun with, so I’m considering saying yes. You must think me a sex fiend, but I really wasn’t lying when I told you that Jerat hardly lets me do anything outside of gymnastics, sleeping, and eating. And trust me, I love what I do, but sometimes it’s fun to just unwind for a bit, you know?_

_And if I get on this pilot’s good side, maybe he’ll sneak me back to Earth to visit you!_

Stardate 2246.4

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Still don’t know why you’re so interested in my love life, but I know you’ll ask a thousand questions until I tell you, so I might as well just get it over with. My date with Jocelyn was good – really good, actually. Most people don’t find my grouchiness very appealing, but she seemed to find it endearing. She’s going to school to be a lawyer, so at least I know we’ll both be working our asses off in grad school! Assuming it lasts that long. I know, I know, I just went on one date with the girl, but she seems like the kind of person I could get serious with. We’ll just have to see how it goes. Don’t worry, you’ll get minute by minute updates, just as long as you promise not to do the same for your relationship._

_Speaking of, hope you’re still having fun with Velo. He seems like a goof to me, but as long as you’re happy. You deserve a little fun in your life._

_Tell Jerat to pull that stick out of his ass, with love, for me._

Stardate 2246.9

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I’m practically vibrating out of my seat – I got accepted into the Olympics!! It’s been my life’s_ dream _to compete in the Olympics; it’s why I’ve put up with all of Jerat’s crap over the years. I’m so excited to participate – I’ve been cartwheeling just about everywhere I go. I know what you’re going to say, Mr. Doctor, and I promise I won’t hurt myself. Don’t want to miss this amazing opportunity after all!!_

_When I told Jerat, he actually_ smiled _. It was kind of weird, honestly, but he’s been waiting for this just as long as I have. I’m the first of his students to make it this far! I won’t let him down. I’ll let you know when my competitions are – you’ll watch me and cheer me on, won’t you? In that quiet, grumpy way of yours?_

_Oh also Velo and I are married now and I gave birth to my daughter two weeks ago. Her name’s Yila, picture attached. Glad I wasn’t pregnant when I tried out, or when I actually participate!!_

Len: _Well I can obviously see where your priorities are!!_

Dax: _Len! What do I owe this pleasure? :)_

Len: _You’re married?? You have a daughter?? You didn’t even tell me you were pregnant!_

Dax: _You said you didn’t want any details about my relationship!_

Len: _I meant I didn’t want you to tell me about the great sex you were having or whatever – of COURSE I’d want to know about your wedding and your daughter!_

Dax: _Ok ok I’ll endeavor to tell you in the future_

Len: _You’re a little shit sometimes_

Dax: _Takes one to know one_

Len: _Yeah ok fair_

Stardate 2247.7

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I watched your gymnastics competition on my PADD during my shift at the grocery store – I’m sure you’ll find that amusing. But Dax, you were absolutely incredible! You totally got the gold medal, hands down. I know nothing about gymnastics, but no one looked even_ half _as decent as you. You know I don’t dole out compliments very often, so you better believe it._

_Jocelyn’s parents came to visit me the other day and that was absolutely terrifying. They’re lawyers too, and it really felt like if I said one wrong thing they’d sue me for everything I own. Not that it’s much, ha. But it also made me realize how serious I’ve gotten with Jocelyn. I mean, it’s not like I ever met your parents! I’m not going to break it off or anything silly, but I don’t know. It’s just weird, I guess. Never really pictured my life this way._

_Anyway, enough about this crusty old man. I hope you’re out celebrating your amazing performance, because you deserve it!_

Stardate 2247.8

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Aww, thanks Len! Here’s a photo of me with my Olympic gold medal! I can hardly believe I actually won. I have Dax to thank, anyway – you know I was so worried about joining at first, because I thought with that extra weight inside of me I wouldn’t be as flexible or coordinated. But I was_ completely _wrong – if anything, I’m_ more _flexible now. I’m not sure why having a symbiont inside of me would make that possible, but I’m grateful anyway._

_My little girl was so excited when I came home with my medal. I think she thinks it’s hers or something!_

_And to be honest Len, I always pegged you as the type to get settled down early! You seem like you’d just want to get that romance and heartbreak nonsense out of the way as soon as possible. But like you once told me, if you’re happy, don’t sweat about the rest of it. No one goes through life the same way, and no one’s path is more right or wrong than another’s. Trust me, I’ve had two other lifetimes so far, and every experience I had there is just as valuable as the ones I’m having now._

_Don’t tell Velo I said that. I told him I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him, and I don’t have the heart to tell him that’s not_ exactly _true._

Stardate 2248.2

Len: _Ok so don’t freak out but I’m getting married_

Dax: _LEN!!!! THIS IS AMAZING NEWS!!!!_

Len: _I told you not to freak out_

Dax: _THIS ISN’T ME FREAKING OUT THIS IS ME BEING EXCITED!! FOR YOU!!! And for Jocelyn BUT MOSTLY FOR YOU!!! You deserve every happiness Len_

Len: _I_

Len: _Thanks Emony_

Dax: _Aw Len I can imagine you floundering all the way from here_

Dax: _Give me the details Lenny – I’ll rearrange my whole schedule so I can come to your wedding. Assuming you want me to come of course_

Len: _Of course I want you there. Sending you an invite now_

Dax: _ <3 _

Stardate 2248.7

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Just wanted to write and say I_ really _enjoyed your wedding last month. And the bachelor’s party! Thanks for sneaking me in by telling Joss that my previous host was a man. She’s great and all, but her party looked_ so boring _!! Whatever else is said about pre-med students, they sure know how to party!_

_Velo dabbles in photography, as I’m sure he told you about a thousand times, and he got some really nice shots of the party and the wedding. We look_ so _drunk in the last one though, so you might not want to share that one with Jocelyn!_

_Anyway, love you Lenny. Try not to die in your last year of undergrad, and enjoy married life!_

Stardate 2249.1

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I’m dying. I really tried not to but I am. Is it over yet?_

_Married life’s good. It took a little bit of an adjustment period though, let me tell you. I love cooking, as you know, but Jocelyn apparently doesn’t like eating dinner anytime after 9 so we have to settle for replicated food most nights. Those flavorless cubes are awful, but I’m so tired when I get home that I’ll eat just about anything. Jocelyn also doesn’t like how I get when I’m drunk, so I’ve had to cut back a bit on the alcohol. Which is fine really, it’s better for me. Just gotta keep that photo you sent hidden._

_But otherwise it’s great. Having someone to come home to is nice. She gets how grilling school is because it’s grilling for her too, so that’s also nice. We have good conversations over our flavorless cubes. And other things go well too, but we promised we wouldn’t talk about that, didn’t we?_

_Oh, and she’s pregnant. In case you wanted to know._

Dax: _You little shit_

Len: _Takes one to know one_

Dax: _Yeah ok fair_

Stardate 2249.6

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_My baby girl’s finally here – we named her Joanna. Picture attached._

_Dax, I think this is one of the happiest days of my life. I don’t have the words to tell you how much it meant to hold my daughter in my arms for the first time. She’s absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to watch her grow up – I’m going to show her everything. I’m going to show her how to climb the tree in our backyard, and how to differentiate all the different species that live around us, and how to cut her own hair if she hates it. I know she’s just a baby, but I love her so much. Is that crazy? I’d already do anything for her._

_Parenting’s going to be a lot of work, though. It helps that I graduated from Ole Miss last week! I’m planning on being a good ol’ stay at home dad while I’m working on my grad school applications. Looking forward to it really, this tired doctor needs a break._

Stardate 2249.9

Len: _Hey Dax, Joss, Jo, and I are thinking of taking a vacation on Trill sometime around Stardate 2249.12. Think it would be possible to drop by?_

Dax: _Yes yes yes please!! Our little girls can meet finally!!_

Len: _I doubt Yila will want to meet Jo – she can’t walk or talk yet!_

Dax: _No she’ll love her, it’ll be just like interacting with one of her dolls_

Len: _You have taught your daughter the difference between a sentient being and a stuffed animal right?_

Dax: _Of course Lenny!! I’ve also taught her how to do a backflip :)_

Len: _On second thought maybe we’ll vacation on Vulcan instead_

Dax: _No you have to come!! I already told Velo and he’ll cry if you don’t show up. He wants to shuttle you personally_

Len: _Alright alright just so Velo won’t cry. Seems fitting anyway that my first venture out into space would be to visit you_

Stardate 2250.6

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Happy birthday to Joanna! Have you survived your first year of parenting? I barely survived mine, in all three of my lives. I don’t think I’m really fit to be a parent – you’d think I’d learn from my past mistakes, but I never seem to. Tobin was alright at it I suppose, but he was a nervous wreck – he never let his kids do anything that he thought sounded even_ remotely _dangerous. I don’t want to be such a controlling parent this time around._

_It’s hard, though. I want Yila to do whatever she wants to do, but it does hurt a bit that she doesn’t seem to be interested at all in gymnastics. I guess I had this silly idea in my head that we could do routines together someday. You thought you were crazy, Len, but I think I’ve got you beat with that one. Although just for the record I do think it’s weird you fantasize about teaching your daughter how to cut her own hair._

_But I’m just whining, things are great here, really. Velo was born to be a dad – he’s amazing at it! He’s so good at making her laugh, I love seeing it. And I’ll try to support Yila as much as I can, in whatever she wants to do. I guess I’m just concerned because Tobin and Lela weren’t particularly close to any of their kids. I want to do things right this time._

_But enough about me. Congrats on getting into grad school!! They’d be fools not to take you – you’re the smartest man I’ve ever met, Lenny. I don’t think I need to tell you not to tell Velo that._

Stardate 2251.1

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Emony – the fact that you’re so concerned about it shows that you care, and that you’re trying to be the best parent you can be. You may be sad that Yila’s not interested in gymnastics, but you’re not trying to control her life and you don’t hate her for it. You support her decisions, and that’s the best thing you can do as a parent, I think. But what do I know? Learning how to be a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I wish it came as easily as chemistry and biology._

_Speaking of work, they’re having me lead a massive inoculation program on Dramia II for my residency. I hate to leave Jocelyn and Joanna for so long, but it’s not like I can lead a massive inoculation program here on Earth. I hate to leave my dad, too. He’s getting really sick – mom said he told her to put him in intensive care if he doesn’t improve in the next week. I should be there when that happens, to help them! Why does it always feel like no matter what I do, my career ends up interfering with my family obligations? Shouldn’t I be able to have both?_

_Jocelyn always tells me I work too much, and that I care more about my work than my family. Maybe it’s true. Anyone else would pass on their residency for now and be with their family, wouldn’t they?_

Stardate 2251.2

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Don’t talk like that – you love your family with all that you are. Jocelyn’s blind if she can’t see that. And she and your parents can’t expect you to give up your residency, not when you’ve worked so hard for it! I’m sure your father wouldn’t want that either, being a doctor himself. You’ll only be gone for a few months; they’ll hold up until then._

_As for me, I think it’s really cool you’re going somewhere so unique. You know how much I’d love to explore the galaxy. Make sure you tell me every detail about what it’s like on Dramia II when you get back, alright? Maybe it’ll feel like I was there, too._

_I’m sorry everything is so hard for you right now, Len. You’re on Dramia II by now I’m sure, but when you get back, can I come visit you on Earth? I want to come cheer you up! And Yila’s dying to see Joanna now that she can talk._

Stardate 2252.2

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Hey, it’s been a while! Are you doing okay? I know med school is crazy, and you’re probably still writing up all that data you collected on Dramia II, so I don’t expect to hear from you much. I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you._

_I’m sorry if my offering to come to Earth caused you any distress. I know you and Jocelyn are both busy and have your hands full with Joanna – the last thing you need is me and my crazy daughter getting under your feet! Just forget about it, okay? I’ll come visit when things are less crazy._

_Love you, Len. I wish all the best for you and your family._

Stardate 2252.12

Dax: _Lenny? Is everything ok?_

Stardate 2253.1

_Dax,_

_I’m sorry I haven’t been messaging. Things have been…real bad here, Emony – I’m a mess. My dad’s been in intensive care for the last few years and last week I…I pulled the plug. On my own damn father. He was always begging me to, and he was in so much pain… I really didn’t want to, but it was starting to feel like I didn’t have the right to keep letting him suffer. But now… Dammit, Emony, they found a_ cure, _a week after I kill him. What have I done?_

_Jocelyn’s fed up with me too – she left, and she took Joanna with her. I don’t know where they are, I don’t know how to contact them. My mom won’t talk to me – she blames me for my dad’s death, and why wouldn’t she? I killed him, I killed him, I killed him…_

_Everything’s falling apart around me, Dax. My grades are so low they’re threatening to boot me out of the program. My daughter’s gone, my family’s gone._

_I don’t…I don’t know what to_ do _._

Dax: _I’m coming to Earth right now – don’t do anything drastic. Wait for me_

Stardate 2253.6

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Well, I don’t know how I did it—divorce papers are signed, I’ve lost about 15 pounds, and I only get to see my daughter once a month—but I did it. You’re now talking to a PhD-qualified surgeon. I even managed to publish my paper on the cerebral-cortex/brain-tissue graft procedure I came up with. Not bad for a depressed divorcee, huh?_

_My advisor sure was shocked at my defense. I think they all expected me to get there drunk, not stone cold sober and completely prepared. I sure showed them, huh? Jocelyn let Joanna attend too – she told me afterwards that she didn’t understand a thing but I sounded smart, and that’s enough for me._

_Anyway, my graduation date and details are attached. I know you’re busy, and that you were just on Earth a few months ago, but well…it’d mean a lot if you came. You’re the only reason I made it through, after all. I won’t forget that. I owe you big time, Dax._

_Love you. I can’t thank you enough for putting up with my sorry ass for so many years._

Stardate 2253.8

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I’m back on Trill now! I know I’ve said this a million times at this point, but I was so damn proud of you at your graduation, Len – I cried through the whole thing. You’re a damn good surgeon, and you deserve this degree after all the shit you’ve gone through in the last year. We were all cheering so loudly when they called your name – I hope you could hear us. Velo took some beautiful photos, they’re attached._

_Things are basically routine here. Yila has told me that she’s going to study really hard to be a joined Trill like me someday. I guess I have a positive influence on my daughter after all! It’d be interesting if she ended up getting the Dax symbiont. I wonder if that’s ever happened before? Memories for the symbiont must be strange if it does happen._

_Anyway, I miss you already. You said you owe me, so I expect you to come to Trill sometime soon. Velo wants some ‘guy time’, whatever that means. Apparently being a guy in my past host doesn’t count._

Stardate 2253.12

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I feel like I’m going crazy. I just enrolled in Starfleet to be a surgeon on one of their fancy starships. I mean, that’s crazy, right? I’m sure I’ll hate it up there, what with all their fancy machinery scrambling my molecules and their plastic food. But I don’t know…I just can’t stay here anymore. I need a change of pace. This is about as drastic of a change as I can make without killing myself, and I’m not going to do that._

_But you’d tell me if I was crazy, wouldn’t you?_

_I know, I know, I’m the doctor. But dammit Emony, I’m a surgeon not a psychologist._

_If the ship stops at Trill, I’ll visit you. But otherwise it may be a while before I can pay back my debt to you. Tell Velo he needs more guy friends, or to stop being so weirdly sexist. Whichever you think fits best._

Stardate 2254.6

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I can’t believe you would do this to me – you’re exploring the galaxy without me!! Do you think your fancy starship could use a gymnast? Maybe I could be a fitness trainer – I think I’ve spent enough time with Jerat to know what_ not _to do._

_Ahh…damn. I wish I was going with you so much. So no, I don’t think you’re crazy, I think you’re perfectly sane. Honestly, I don’t know how you can still live in that house with everything that happened. I guess you can’t anymore, huh?_

_Is it legal for you to send me your ship’s logs? I want to know everything about everywhere you go, and no offense Lenny, but you’re not the best storyteller. When I asked you about Dramia II, all you said was that it was gloomy! Nothing about the landscape, or the culture, or the animals, or the people! Except that they were sick and dying. On second thought, maybe ‘gloomy’ was accurate._

_You better at least tell me about your shipmates. I still expect gossip, Lenny, don’t think you’re escaping from that._

Stardate 2254.12

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_How’s this for gossip – nearly two years after my marriage fell apart, ol’ Len’s out on the dating scene again. I’m sure you’ll be excited to hear that. Her name’s Nancy, and I met her on shore leave of all things. It’s been a bit hard keeping in touch when I’m in and out of Earth so much, but hell, you and I have stayed in touch all these years, so I figure we can manage._

_It feels good to put my knowledge to use out here – and God knows these Starfleet officers need it. I swear, they must teach them how to get as injured as humanly possible in the Academy, or something. Those engineers are the worst – I don’t know how they all don’t die in a fire._

_But it’s interesting out here. Every day basically I’m encountering a new disease or species I have to operate on. I’m learning a lot, but it’s a_ bit _ridiculous. I’m glad that the crew is all humans at least, even if I do think it’s a bit strange only one alien has ever joined Starfleet. Andorians and Vulcans don’t want to work with us humans, huh?_

_There’s also a cadet in his senior year onboard, James T. Kirk. Hard to forget a name like that, isn’t it? He’s here to get some space experience before he graduates, but it sure seems like he spends more time in my Sickbay than out there. I swear, the kid’s gonna get himself killed before he even gets out of the Academy._

_Well, not when he’s under_ my _care, of course! He’s in so often we’re starting to become friends. He’s got a great sense of humor. A bit promiscuous for me, but hell, that’s his prerogative. I think you’d like him._

_Anyway, love to you and your family. I’ll do my best to visit you soon._


	2. Audrid

Stardate 2260.9

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I know this might be hard to hear, but Emony died in a fire while trying to rescue her young gymnastics students two weeks ago. As such, I am now the host of the Dax symbiont. My name is Audrid. I know Emony described the life cycle of Trill symbionts and hosts to you, but I understand if the reality of it may be uncomfortable for you. I am a different person, but I am also still your friend. And I would like to continue to be, if that’s alright with you._

_I guess I should tell you some facts about myself, now that I am no longer the gymnast you knew so well. I’m the head of the Trill Symbiosis Commission, a position I’m very proud to hold. My job entails running the Trill initiate program, overseeing the care of the not-yet-joined symbionts, and training doctors in symbiont transfer and research. As you can see, I feel very qualified to be the next Dax host, especially since Emony was lost so suddenly, and it was an honor to be chosen. I have two children, a five-year-old daughter named Neema and a three-year-old son named Gran. The two happiest days of my life were the day I got posted as head of the Commission and the day Neema was born. During my spare time, I like to read and take long walks through the forest. I tried to learn trumpet when I was younger, but as every Dax host seems cursed to be I had absolutely no talent for it._

_I hope you are doing well Len, if I may still call you that. I attached a picture of myself so you can see what I look like now._

_Even if you don’t want to hear from me anymore, I hope you’ll at least reply to tell me so. You’re a dear friend to me, and always will be, regardless of how you choose to proceed._

Stardate 2260.10

_Dax,_

_Shit, that’s…so sudden. I was expecting her to outlive me, in all honesty!_

_It’s nice to meet you, Audrid. I would also like to stay your friend, even if it might take me a while to wrap my brain around the concept of you still being you but also…not. You’re the only person besides Jim that I’ve managed not to scare away completely, and I’m not about to lose you now! Maybe we can arrange a meeting sometime soonish, whenever I’m next on leave and you’re available. Might help my old brain to actually meet you in person._

_You’re keeping up with the pet names so I, uh, guess you’re still alright with them. But just in case, should I drop the ‘darlin’’? You can call me Len, Lenny, whatever you want. Hell, you can even just call me ‘McCoy’ if that’s more comfortable for you. I’ve never really cared much how people refer to me. Just no ‘Mister’ or anything like that, you know how I feel about formalities, even if we are technically strangers!_

Dax: _It’s okay if you still call me ‘darlin’’. You did for my previous host, and I don’t know, it’s been a while since a man has called me that!_

Len: _Seems you’re still a romantic then!_

Dax: _Not as much as Emony, and I certainly seem to prefer the idea of romance over the actual reality of it… But yes, I suppose maybe I am at heart! And I would love to meet you in person. It’s a bit strange for me as well, having such vivid memories of you but never having technically met you myself. I’m so glad we can remain friends._

Len: _Me too Audrid. I have to go now, got a call for emergency surgery, but I’ll talk to you soon_

Stardate 2261.5

_Len,_

_Neema has come down with Rugalan fever, and she’s been in the hospital for a week. She’s not stabilizing, though the doctors say she’s not in critical condition yet. I think they don’t really know what’s going to happen, and it’s horrible. At first, all I could do was sit at her bedside, stare at her unconscious body, and count her breaths. Now I’ve started to read aloud the first few volumes of_ Down the River Light _, for my own comfort as well as hers. I don’t know if she can hear me, but I hope she can. She loves this series as much as I do, and maybe if she hears me reading it to her, she’ll know that I love her and that I’m waiting patiently for her to get better._

_It takes everything I have not to just break down. I’ve barely slept. I only eat when the nurses here prod me to. I’ve never gone through anything like this, Len, and I’m terrified._

_Could use a doctor friend right about now._

Len: _Managed to wrestle some leave from Starfleet and booked the first shuttlecraft out to Trill. Reading up about Rugalan fever on the way. I’ll be there soon_

Stardate 2266.1

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I am going out of my goddamn mind. I_ hate _this godforsaken place – I really should be careful what I wish for. I mean, these people don’t seem to care about their health at all! They’re not interested in hospitals, or any other kind of medical aid. Instead, they believe that only the_ strong _should survive, and fuck anyone who happens to catch some disease! Just getting_ near _a patient has proven impossible, and I’m at my wit’s end. Don’t see how I’m supposed to do a damn thing here if I can’t even approach anyone for a checkup. They’d certainly never let me perform surgery. I know, I know, I shouldn’t criticize anyone’s culture. But it’s hard when people are just dying left and right here and I can’t do a damn thing about it._

_They’re honest people though, I’ll give them that. Just don’t get caught lying to them, or you’ll end up with a_ kleeat _through your heart. It’s kind of like a ninja star, an old Earth weapon. That thing, when thrown properly, can even slice apart small trees! At this point I’m just hoping to get off this planet alive before I offend someone._

_Speaking of offensive people, Jim wrote me recently – you remember Jim Kirk, resident chaos-creator. Somehow that danger-magnet got himself a command, and not just ANY command. Try the_ Enterprise _, Starfleet’s very own flagship. That bastard always had a big stroke of luck. Though even I can admit he’s a great captain. He’ll do just fine there. But apparently they lost their CMO recently and he wants_ me _to replace them! Me!_

_At this point I really am considering just getting up and joining him. I mean, if I’m going to hate space, I may as well do it on the flagship, right?_

Stardate 2266.2

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I think you should take Jim up on his offer. You are the most talented surgeon I’ve ever met, and while I generally believe study abroad and immersion in different cultures is a wonderful way of learning, to be quite frank your talents are wasted on Capella IV. On the_ Enterprise _, you’ll be practicing medicine and saving lives, which I know is why you wanted to become a doctor in the first place. And with the exploration side of the mission, you’ll undoubtedly increase your repertoire in xenobiology, which can only be beneficial to you. Also, I’m sure Emony would want me to tell you that you won’t be meeting anyone romantically stuck on Capella IV. But I of course will support any decision you make._

_Things are much the same here. Neema and Gran are growing up right in front of my eyes. It’s hard to believe Neema will be entering her teens soon. It seems like just yesterday when she was born… They’re both growing up to be adventurous, intelligent people – between the two of them, I’ve got my hands just as full at home as at work! But I like staying busy. It keeps my mind off of other things._

_I sincerely hope no one throws a_ kleeat _through your chest, Len. Love to you and Joanna._

Stardate 2266.5

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_You wanted me to let you know when I got settled on the_ Enterprise _, so here you go. Seems like a fine vessel. You of course know Jim’s going to make things interesting, and the chief engineer seems like an amusing fellow. Loves the bottle almost as much as I do! My medical staff seems really capable, so I’m looking forward to working with them._

_Only problem is the first officer – a Vulcan, and a real stick in the mud! Guy looks at me like I’m just some muck on the underside of his boot and it drives me insane. I don’t think we’re going to get along very well, but I’ll_ try _to be civil. Jim’s already had to separate us from arguing with each other several times though, so you can guess how well that’s going to go._

_Anyway, gotta sign off now – apparently there’s_ already _been an Engineering accident. I don’t even know how that happens, but I’m guessing this trip is going to be interesting at least._

Stardate 2266.6

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I’m so excited for you, Len. I love my job and don’t have the same obsession with space that Emony did, but I must admit it sure is exciting imagining all you’re going to find out there. I’m sorry about the Vulcan—the ones I’ve met haven’t been much fun, either—but I hope he won’t be too much of an irritant. I’m looking forward to hearing about your adventures and your other co-workers._

_A new symbiont was born today. That’s not something that happens every day, and it was very exciting to witness. We’ve decided to name it Zora, and we’re drilling initiates as we speak to find someone suitable to be the first host. It’s always difficult choosing hosts, but especially so when it’s the first host of a new symbiont. We want the best of the best to make sure the symbiont has a healthy and rich introduction to life. I know you’ve expressed concerns before about how we weed people out of our programs, but I truly think it’s for the symbiont’s well-being. Not everyone is suited to be a parent, for example, and this way it’s less likely the symbiont will be lost or damaged._

_I’ve sent along a photo of Zora. I’ll let you know when we pick its first host!_

Stardate 2266.7

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_That’s exciting about Zora, I bet you’re happy as a clam! The symbionts certainly have interesting anatomy, I’d love to sit down with you sometime and chat about biology and how it all works when it’s joined._

_Had my first away mission today and it was a total disaster. We encountered a creature that has the ability to mimic the appearance of other people, and it relied completely on salt for its diet. It was killing crewmembers for their salt, so we were trying to hunt it down, and in the end I…had to shoot it because it was trying to kill Jim. It was hard for a lot of reasons, but partially because it looked just like my ex-girlfriend Nancy. I really thought it was her for a while! She had the same looks, the same memories… Blind sighted me for a lot longer than I’d like to admit. Even when it was killing Jim, I hesitated to act for a long time. Spock, the Vulcan, had to snap me out of it, but the way he went about doing it…I don’t think I’ll ever understand him._

_But I ended up killing the creature, and it was the last of its kind. I certainly don’t feel good about that. Great start to a five-year mission, huh?_

_Wish I had more happy news to share with you, but that’s hard to come by out here._

Dax: _Are you okay? Would you like some company?_

Len: _Got time to chat and a bottle to share over subspace?_

Dax: _I do_

Len: _I’ll be on in 10 minutes. Tell me all about Zora_

Stardate 2267.1

Len: _So…you know that Vulcan first officer I was telling you about, Spock?_

Dax: _Yeah?_

Len: _I’m…kinda seeing him now_

Dax: _WHAT? I thought you hated him! How did this happen? You have to tell me!_

Len: _I’ll tell you in my next message it’s too long for text_

Dax: _Leonard H. McCoy don’t you dare leave me hanging like this_

Dax: _LEONARD_

Stardate 2267.3

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Well, I had to dig through a really dense astrophysics journal, and really Len you owe me just for that, but I finally found a picture of this Spock character. You didn’t tell me he was attractive! I mean, look at those EYES! I’d date him in an instant. He’s certainly intelligent as well, seems like someone you could really sit down and debate with, as I know you’ve done many times. I must say I’m a bit surprised you fell for a Vulcan, but he does seem like your type._

_If you don’t tell me how you got together with him within a month, I’m going to ask Jim. Don’t think I won’t. I have his subspace information up right now on my computer._

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Alright, alright, geez, you don’t need to be so threatening. You wanna know how Spock and I got together? Shit. It’s a long story, Audrid, I’m warning you now._

_We’ve actually kissed a few times before. The first time was when I accidentally injected myself with a massive amount of cordrazine—have you heard of it? It’s usually used, in_ small _doses, to stimulate the heart during cardiac arrest, but there was turbulence on the ship—of course—and I accidentally got 100 times the amount you’re supposed to take right in the stomach. And I went crazy – I had no idea where I was or who anyone was. Spock says I kept yelling something about assassins and murderers. Anyway, I know this next part sounds crazy too, but we were orbiting a planet that had a portal to other times and places, and I jumped through in my madness to 1930s Earth. In the past, I saved one woman from dying, and this caused the timeline to change so drastically that the_ Enterprise _didn’t exist anymore, so Spock and Jim followed in after me to try and fix things._

_And when they found me again? Spock swept me up and kissed me on the mouth, right in front of everybody! I sure was shocked, and Jim even more so. Thought maybe Spock had injected himself with cordrazine while I’d been gone._

_But I never got to ask him about it, because someone died right after, the woman I had originally saved, and we had to go back to the present, and it just kinda got swept under the rug._

_Then Spock got this…disease that Vulcans get. Can’t give you many details, but basically I kissed him again to try and calm him down and that…did not go well. Nearly led to Jim’s death, in fact, but seriously, I took an oath of silence so I can’t tell you anything else. Except that afterwards Spock told me it was because of that disease that he’d kissed me the first time, and that he thought we shouldn’t pursue anything further. I was pretty hurt, but what was I going to do, force myself on him?_

_So I tried to get over it. And then a transporter accident sent me, Jim, Uhura, and Scotty to an alternate universe_ Enterprise. _And the Spock there…he mind-raped me. When we got back to our universe, I was a mess. It was so…God, Audrid, it was horrible. But Spock,_ my _Spock, got me through it. He was with me as much as I was comfortable with, leading me through mediation techniques and short meld sessions to repair the damage Mirror Spock did. And I realized that what I felt for him was a lot more than silly attraction. I was also pretty damn sure that Spock was convincing himself he felt nothing for me when it wasn’t true._

_But we’re both stubborn, and not honest with ourselves, so it took way longer than it should’ve to actually act on the thing between us._

_And of course the thing to push us to do it was a near-death experience._

_We had all of these diplomats on board, and we were taking them to a conference on a planet called ‘Babel’. Spock’s parents were there, too. That was a little awkward, but I heard some_ hilarious _stories about Spock’s childhood from his mother. Anyway, one of the other diplomats was murdered, and Spock’s dad, Sarek, was the prime suspect. It turned out it wasn’t him, though, because Sarek was busy having a heart attack on the observation deck. I needed to do immediate surgery on him, but we didn’t have enough of his blood type, so Spock had to take this sketchy drug to raise his blood cell production so that he could donate all that Sarek would need. I was really against having to do that, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I wasn’t going to let Sarek die._

_That surgery was one of the worst ones I’ve ever done, though. Sarek was dying, Spock was dying, I had to perform this complicated surgery I’d never done before while the ship felt like it was about to explode every goddamn minute because we were also fighting some enemy, and I honestly can’t tell you how I got through that. But I did. Both Spock and Sarek are fine, but after the surgery I…kinda went into this huge tirade about how this is why I can’t stand seeing Spock just throwing himself into danger all the time, because I’m afraid that someday I won’t be able to put him back together. And he…he touched my face and told me he has trouble controlling his emotions when I get hurt for the same reason, and I guess we both just decided it was time to stop messing around. I at least was painfully aware of both of our mortalities and didn’t want to waste any more time. So I asked him to spend the night, and he did._

_And here we are. So. Feel free to tease me relentlessly, I know I deserve it._

Dax: _Len you are absolutely adorable_

Len: _Shut the hell up_

Stardate 2267.4

_Commander Spock,_

_My name is Audrid Dax, head of the Trill Symbiosis Commission, and it has come to my attention that you are now in a romantic relationship with my best friend, Leonard McCoy. I am of the understanding that sometimes human friends send their friend’s new partner threatening messages, but that is not my intention here. I’m simply contacting you because I care a great deal about Len’s happiness, and currently you seem to be contributing a lot to that happiness. I wish to thank you. Len hasn’t been all that happy these last few years, and it has been a great delight to see him speak with so much passion about you._

_I’m sure he would be embarrassed to know I told you this, so please tell him that I did. I care about him a great deal, but it is also my duty to tease him relentlessly, as I am sure you can relate to, from what I’ve heard about you._

_Please take care of Len for me. He deserves to finally have something good in his life._

_Commissioner Dax,_

_This channel is for official Starfleet business only. Please refrain from using it for personal messages._

_Stick-in-the-mud Spock,_

_Len gave me your personal address. It has come to my attention that you are now in a romantic relationship with one of my best friends, Leonard McCoy. I am of the understanding that sometimes human friends send their friend’s new partner threatening messages, but that is not my intention here. I’m simply contacting you because I care a great deal about Len’s happiness, and currently you seem to be contributing a lot to that happiness. I wish to thank you. Len hasn’t been all that happy these last few years, and it has been a great delight to see him speak with so much passion about you._

_I’m sure he would be embarrassed to know I told you this, so please tell him that I did. I care about him a great deal, but it is also my duty to tease him relentlessly, as I am sure you can relate to, from what I’ve heard about you._

_Please take care of Len for me. He deserves to finally have something good in his life._

Stardate 2267.5

Dax: _Did Spock get my message_

Len: _Ha! He did. He was rather affronted I gave you his personal address, it was a good time_

Dax: _I’m so happy for you Lenny_

Dax: _I’m trying to think of a fun adjective for Spock’s name in my letters. Spectacular seems a little over the top_

Len: _How about sassy? Or sarcastic_

Dax: _It’s supposed to be a sickeningly sweet term of endearment, Lenny. Though they’re not bad ideas_

Len: _Surly_

Dax: _Len you’re terrible at this!_

Dax: _Sexy_

Len: _I think he’ll get the wrong idea with that one_

Dax: _I’ve got it!! Scintillating_

Len: _NO_

_Scintillating Spock,_

_It’s Dax again! I just forgot to tell you that you better not throw yourself into harm’s way all the time and leave Lenny alone. I know I said my message wasn’t intended to be threatening, but I’m serious. He’s gone through enough hardship as it is._

_Don’t worry, I won’t bother you again. I just wanted to make sure we understand each other, since you refuse to answer my messages. Your life is valuable to Len, thus it’s valuable to me, too. Don’t throw it away._

Stardate 2267.6

_Commissioner Dax,_

_I will endeavor not to do so. He means a great deal to me as well._

Dax: _Spock is absolutely adorable_

Len: _Shut the hell up_

Len: _Isn’t he?_

Stardate 2267.9

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_You’ll never fucking guess what planet we went to today. Try Capella IV! I thought I’d be getting away from this hell hole when I joined the_ Enterprise _, not right back on it again. It was as much of a shitshow as I’ve come to expect working on the_ Enterprise _– there was massive fighting, we had to literally flee into the hills, I had to deliver a baby in some disgusting cave, Klingons were there. I almost got stuck with the baby, too! The mother_ really _didn’t want it, and though I tried my best to convince her to take care of it, she clunked me over the head with a rock, knocked me out cold, and left me there with the baby._

_On a side note, I tried to get Spock to hold the baby and he absolutely refused to. I’ve never seen someone so awkward with a baby in my life! He’s a keeper alright._

_Anyway, through a process I still don’t really understand, the mother eventually decided to keep the baby, to everyone’s relief. Although apparently it’s also my child? Not really sure how that works, but we got to be in on the naming scheme anyway. How does Leonard James Akaar sound to you? Ha!_

_You should’ve seen Spock’s face when he heard. If you ask me, I think he was just jealous he was left out of the naming scheme._

_Anyway, we’re finally leaving that place, hopefully for the last damn time. I hope you’re doing well, love to you and your kids._

Stardate 2268.1

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Neema enters her teen years today. I’ve been told that this is the worst part of parenting. I’ve always felt very close to my kids—probably because I’m a single mother—but I’ve also been told I can be rather controlling at work. It’s true I’ve sometimes had a hard time giving them their freedom. It hasn’t bothered them much as young kids, but I know I have to lay off a bit now that Neema is approaching that age where she’ll be making her own decisions. It’s just hard to shift out of that mode where you believe that you’re the only one that knows what’s best for them._

_You’ve basically survived your daughter’s teen years. Got any advice? Joanna is a fine young woman from what I’ve heard about her, and I can only hope that Neema will turn out the same._

Len: _My only advice? Don’t do what I did. Be there for your kids. I think that’s the best thing you can do for them. Support them through the choices they make even if they’re not what you want for them. I think I at least did that right with Jo – she doesn’t absolutely hate me anyway_

Dax: _I don’t think she could hate you with how obviously you love her. I only hope to emulate what you’ve managed to do_

Len: _You sure know how to make a grown man blush_

Stardate 2268.5

Len: _Dax I don’t really know how to say this but…I’ve been diagnosed with xenopolycythemia_

Dax: _Goodness. What is that?_

Len: _It’s a rare blood disease_

Len: _Terminal_

Dax: _Oh my God. Are you getting treatment?_

Len: _There’s no treatment Dax_

Len: _I’ve got a year max_

Dax: _That’s…I can’t believe it_

Len: _I’m really sorry. I wish we could’ve been friends for longer_

Dax: _Don’t you dare apologize you have nothing to apologize for. I want to see you in person again soon so let me know what your plans are_

Dax: _You’re not alone in this Lenny. I’m sure Spock feels the same_

Len: _Thanks Audrid. I’m really grateful we met_

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_You’ll literally never believe this – we found a civilization living on this asteroid that was going to collide with an inhabited planet, so we beamed down to inform them to try and correct the problem. Turns out they didn’t even_ know _they were on an asteroid—it had been travelling for_ ten thousand _years—just that their guiding system was taking them where they needed to be. Turns out the damn thing was broken, but Spock managed to fix it, and not only that, but they had a_ cure _for xenopolycythemia!! Hurts like a damn bitch, but it’s 100% effective. I’m going to be okay. Spock told me he wouldn’t stop searching until he found a cure, but luckily for him he didn’t need to go through that much trouble: we just stumbled upon it the day I told him I had it. I don’t feel lucky very often, but I do today. I plan to live a long life yet, Audrid!_

_I’ve really done it this time, though – both Jim and Spock are going to have my head. I acted like a total lunatic on the asteroid, and I think I hurt Spock a lot. I don’t really know if I can explain my behavior, just that I thought I was going to die, you know? This woman living down there—Natira, the high priestess—really took to me, and I’d never cheat on Spock, but for some crazy reason I thought maybe it would be best if I just stayed there for however long I had left. It’d be comfortable, not too stressful, Spock and Jim wouldn’t have to watch me die. Of course you can imagine how much they both protested that, but I was really determined to do it!_

_Luckily it wasn’t necessary. I gotta go find Spock and apologize though – he hasn’t spoken to me much after administering the cure. I just wanted to send you a message first, let you know I’m okay so you don’t have to worry._

_I’d still like to see you in person soon, though!_

Stardate 2268.6

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I’ve never received better news than hearing that you’re cured! I took my kids out to dinner and we all celebrated for you. Wish we could’ve celebrated together in person, but I’ll save that for when you can finally come visit us._

_I’m glad you’re not too macho to apologize when you need to. I’m sure the last thing Spock wanted to do was leave you on some asteroid and lose what little time he had left with you. It wasn’t just your decision to make, Len, but I’m sure you understand that now. Though honestly…I think I would’ve tried to do the same thing in your position. I would never want to make my loved ones watch me slowly die, even if it would hurt more to be apart from them. Basically I’m just glad it never came to that for you._

_As for what’s going on in my corner of the universe, Neema has decided that she wants to study abroad somewhere. Leave Trill, at thirteen! I know I promised I’d try not to be so controlling, and I really am trying, but how can I let my baby go off into the universe at such a young age? I’ve never even left Trill, and here my daughter wants to not only leave but live somewhere else for a time. But I guess I need to learn that I can’t protect my children forever, even if I desperately want to. Neema needs to lead her own life, and she can’t do that if I never let her do the things she wants to do._

_So I’ll let her go. But I know as soon as I do, I’ll be counting the days when she finally comes back._

_I honestly don’t know how you do it, Len, being so far away from your daughter. Not that you were given much choice in the matter, I suppose, but it must hurt like hell._

_I have to sign off now, but I just want to reiterate how glad I am that you’re okay, Len. I love you. And tell Spock I said hi, or something equally illogical._

Stardate 2270.6

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Well, the five-year mission is finally up. It’s hard to believe I won’t be calling this place home anymore. It’s hard to believe I even came to consider this tin bucket home, but there it is._

_I think I’m going to retire from Starfleet. I’ve had quite enough of all this trouncing around space and having people die in my Sickbay for reasons I can never seem to figure out in time. I don’t regret my tine on the_ Enterprise _, but I think it’s time to move on. Settle down somewhere. See my daughter more often, since I missed so much of her growing up._

_Spock doesn’t know what he wants to do yet. He’s still quite young in Vulcan terms – his career is practically just starting. But I’ll go wherever he does, I know that much at least. At first he thought my desire to leave Starfleet was also a desire to leave_ him _somehow, and he almost ran off and did this crazy_ kolinahr _business, the Vulcan purging of all emotions. Good thing we got_ that _sorted out right quick. I swear, for such a brilliant mind, he gets a lot of crazy ideas in his head._

_But he’s the man I love, so. Kinda stuck with him._

_Hope you’re doing okay. As soon as I know my plans, I’ll schedule some time to come visit. Maybe even bring along Spock if I can convince him!_

Stardate 2272.8

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Gran is absolutely ecstatic that you and Spock will be coming by just in time for his fifteenth birthday. When I told him Spock is a science officer, he ran off and made a list of every ‘fascinating’ scientific discovery he’s ever made on Trill. I hope Spock is fond of children! If he’s not, tell him to arrive well-rested. Gran is a bit of a ball of energy._

_I for one am so excited to see you again. The last time I saw you in person, Neema was in the hospital, and I certainly wasn’t interested in entertaining or spending time with you. This time I hope will be much more fun. I thought I could show you two the pools where we keep the unjoined symbionts, if you’re interested. It’s a neat place. And Len, I already told my doctors to expect an interrogation from you. I know how interested in joined Trill medical science you are, so I thought I’d take you around our clinics as well._

_Neema will be back for a time too. She wants to meet you properly, after all you did to save her life. I must say I’m looking forward to all of my family being in one place again._

_I hope you’ve had proper time to rest and spend time with Joanna. Sorry to bring you out into space again just for me, but somehow I don’t think you’ll mind._

_Let me know when your shuttle is scheduled to arrive. We’ll be there._

Stardate 2275.2

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_You’ll never fucking believe this. Jim Kirk—that’s right! Long time friend Jim Kirk!—got my Starfleet commission reactivated. That bastard always manages to find every single damn loophole that has ever existed, and I’m furious._

_He somehow got his old command back, too. I know he’s been unhappy sitting in the Admiral’s chair, but he used this hostile entity that’s heading towards Earth as an excuse to displace a promising, fine young officer—who knows the_ Enterprise _better than Jim does at this point, I might add. Sometimes I think Jim is a little crazy, and I tell him so. Not that he ever listens._

_I guess I should blame Spock for his role in this, too. He claimed he felt some…‘big presence’, or some nonsense, while he was meditating and decided he had to be on the_ Enterprise _before it left. He hardly even listened to me whine and complain about my commission being reactivated! He did tell me I needed to shave, so, at least I know how he feels about this huge beard I’ve been growing._

_So, I guess we’re going to check out this hostile entity. Lord knows I’m getting too old for this, but this is what I get for caring about the universe’s two most crazy explorers. Can’t just let them go out there without me, now can I?_

Stardate 2276.7

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I’m eating my own words today. I really thought I wasn’t being such a controlling parent anymore, but I outdid myself this time. Neema told me she’s getting married—married!—to an Andorian, and that she wanted to bring him home to meet me. And I…well, I refused to even meet him! I refused to let her get married – I mean she’s only 21, Len. People shouldn’t get married that young, not when they hardly know what they’re doing in life. That’s how I ended up alone, raising two kids, and I told her so. I’m sure you’d agree with me – you married young, too, and see how that turned out._

_But she was furious. Told me I was overbearing and commandeering and that I had never appreciated her for who she was. I tried to tell her that wasn’t true, but she didn’t believe me. What kind of mother have I been that she doesn’t believe I love her for who she is?_

_She was supposed to stay for a month, but I went to her room today and she and all of her stuff were gone. No note, no communication, nothing. She ran off to be with that Andorian, no doubt._

_…I think I’ve really messed up, Len. She won’t take my calls, I have absolutely no idea where she is. Guess I never did learn how to loosen up a bit. I suppose I should’ve suspected this would happen eventually._

_How are you and Joanna faring? Better than us, I hope._

Stardate 2276.8

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I’m sorry to hear about Neema, Audrid. It’s never easy arguing with your child, especially when they’re a teen or young adult. I feel fortunate that despite how badly I screwed up, Joanna and I hardly ever have fights like that. But you’re her mother – I’m sure she’ll answer your call eventually. She must know somewhere deep inside her that you love her, and once she blows off some steam I bet you’ll be talking again no problem. Though I do think you should’ve at least met the guy, Aud. She trusted you to include you in that part of her life, and you didn’t even give her young man a chance. You and I may have married young, but that was our mistake to make. We can’t protect them from everything or they’ll never learn anything._

_Can’t say I don’t understand the feeling, though. I never want to see people I care about getting hurt,_ especially _my child. But it hurts them more not to support them in whatever decisions they’ve made._

_Speaking of support, Spock and I attended Jo’s PhD graduation ceremony today. I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of anyone in my entire life. She worked hard to get her degree, and she deserves every prestige that comes with it. She says she wants to explore space with it, and I’ll tell you, I probably would’ve gotten into a horrible argument with her too if I’d told her how much I wish she’d stay on Earth. But I’ve learned to bite my tongue at least_ some _of the time in my old age. Spock would disagree with me I’m sure, but hell, most of our relationship is built on scathing retorts shot at one another, so it’d be weird to stop now._

_I hope you’ll be alright, Audrid. Let me know if you need me to drop by next I’m on leave._

Stardate 2277.3

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Gran got his acceptance letter to Starfleet Academy today. I couldn’t be prouder of him, though I’m dreading being alone in the house once he’s gone. Neema still hasn’t contacted me, but I’ve decided that I need to let her come to me, so I’ve stopped trying to contact her. I hope she’ll reach out to me eventually, but until then I’ll just contact my son way too often._

_He told me that once he reaches his final year, Spock will be the one testing his fitness for Captain, which I honestly find quite amusing. I told him not to think that Spock would ever grant him favoritism, Vulcan that he is, and he told me he’ll just have to give Spock a run for his money. I love that kid, Len – I know he’ll go far, even if I’ll miss him._

_As for me, I’ve thrown myself completely into my work. I’ve tried to make it a goal to improve the Commission at least once a year, to make it better for whoever takes over after me. And to fill the hole my children have left in my life, of course._

_I suppose I should take Emony’s advice and try going out on the town again. I’ve never been much for that scene, but what the hell, maybe it’ll be fun._

_I’ll tell Gran to contact you once he’s at the Academy. And now that I’ve got all this free time, I’ll be sure to drop you a visit too._

Stardate 2280.9

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Well, the two of us are, once again, back on the newly fitted_ Enterprise _. And now that I’m back here_ not _against my will, I guess I sort of agree with Jim – it doesn’t feel right being away from this ship, these people, for too long. My home’s always been with them, even if I loathe to admit it. I still haven’t gotten used to ‘Captain Spock’ though – it makes me chuckle every time I hear it. It’s funny, thinking of Spock in command. He never wanted it way back when we were fresh and young on the_ Enterprise _the first time, and he still doesn’t really, but there’s only so many people qualified to be Captain and unfortunately for him he’s one of them._

_At least I know we won’t be out for super long batches of time, though, since Spock’s gotta train those cadets occasionally too. He said he’s looking forward to when Gran takes his test, though honestly I think he’s mainly looking forward to giving him the hardest test of his life. I think he enjoys frightening those kids, and I gotta admit, so do I. I visit Spock during the tests sometimes just to see the up-and-coming new officers, and I take a lot of pleasure from watching them run for the hills after I’ve just scowled at them. Me and Spock’s arguments are even worse – those that know us ignore us, having heard it all before, but those fresh-eyed does cower in fear every time and we both get a huge kick out of it. I suppose I’m not supposed to take enjoyment out of frightening the young ones, but hell, I have to get my enjoyment from_ somewhere _._

_Ohh, but you know the best part? We get Captain’s quarters this time. And_ damn _this room is nice! At least three times the size of our puny quarters from before. Makes it a bit less of a sting that we had to leave our nice house for this._

_Anyway, love you, Audrid! I’ll see you next time you come visit Gran, if Spock hasn’t flunked him by then. Just kidding, of course._


	3. Torias

Stardate 2284.6

_Lovely Lenny,_

_It’s Torias now! I’m sure this isn’t too much of a shock to you, since you know Audrid was struggling with that rare cancer the last couple of years. She died peacefully though, and Neema was with her on her deathbed. Audrid was relieved to patch things up with her before she passed away._

_Now let’s see, what’s there to tell you about me? I’m an experienced pilot, and I’ve piloted my way through many battles. Not much scares me up there, though I have a beautiful wife, Nilani, who worries about me enough for the both of us. She’s a joined Trill too, with the Kahn symbiont. We’ve got a couple of kids, who I spoil rotten. They get into all sorts of trouble and I just give them the thumbs-up._

_Man, it’s such an honor to be joined, I’m_ extremely _lucky! I like that my memories will live on in the Dax symbiont, even once I’m gone. It is a little weird, though, to have memories of someone you’ve never even met. Incredibly fond memories, too! I hope we can keep up that pattern; you seem like a cool guy, Lenny._

_Oh and hey, I’m kinda on the lookout for a more permanent job, know any ship that needs a good pilot? I’m sending a picture of myself along, in case I ever run into you in Starfleet!_

_Also, do you mind if we primarily text? I’m not much of a conversationalist, but I still want to talk to you._

_Love to you and Spock, and all that!_

Len: _I’m not much of a texter but I don’t mind. Saves me from trying to find a lot to say!_

Dax: _Exactly! My life really isn’t that exciting_

Stardate 2284.9

Len: _I’ll tell ya Torias – I’ll never get used to taking orders from my partner. Don’t get me wrong, Spock’s a great captain, he really is, but he’s such a stickler for the rules that it drives me up the wall sometimes. Not that I ever listen to him anyway!_

Dax: _In my experience the key to a happy partnership is to do whatever you want and then apologize profusely for it later. Works with Nilani every time. There’s no excitement if you’re always checking that your partner is ok with what you’re doing!_

Len: _Exactly! Hey listen will you tell Spock you told me that? That way he doesn’t think I’m just making it up_

Dax: _I gladly will_

Dax: _Tho you could just show him this text conversation old man_

Len: _Shut up_

Stardate 2285.3

Dax: _Help Nilani’s going on and on about theoretical quantum physics again, what do u do when Spock brings up that sort of thing?_

Len: _I argue with him extensively and tell him he’s wrong about every theory that he has_

Dax: _Dammit I forgot you’re a science man too :(_

Dax: _Quick tell me something smart to say_

Len: _I don’t know! What’s she talking about exactly?_

Dax: _Uh_

Dax: _I don’t know?_

Dax: _Lenny????_

Len: _I’m worried about Jim – he seems kinda depressed. His birthday’s coming up but he hardly seems excited about it, which is unusual. Spock’s worried too—not that he’ll ever admit it—so we’re both gonna try to get him something really nice this year. Take his mind of things_

Dax: _Maybe I’ll send him something too! It’s a real shame we’ve never met all this time, I think u were right when u said we’d get along_

Len: _Right? Especially with you Torias – you and Jim seem cut from the same cloth_

Dax: _Next time he needs a pilot tell him im available ;)_

Len: _You DO realize he’ll totally take that the wrong way right?_

Len: _Dax?_

Stardate 2285.4

Dax: _I heard about Spock… I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry Lenny – I know how much he meant to you_

Len: _I must climb the steps of Mount Seleya, before it is too late._

Dax: _Lenny?_

Len: _It is illogical but I_

Len: _Can’t_

Len: _Help me_

Dax: _Lenny?! What the hell’s going on?!_

Stardate 2285.5

Len: _God I’m sorry about worrying you Torias. I’m on Vulcan now, me and Spock are…okay. For now_

Dax: _That message could literally not be more cryptic!!! Pls explain immediately_

_Dax,_

_I figured this would be easier than texting. God, I don’t even know where to start. The last few months haven’t made much sense to me either, but I’ll do my best to explain._

_Spock…died. You know that part, but what you probably don’t know, and I didn’t either at the time, is that Vulcans are able to place their_ katra _, their soul, into another person in case of their death. It’s a way of preserving the knowledge and experience of an individual, even once their physical body is gone. Anyway, Spock put his_ katra _in me. Humans obviously aren’t built to hold that kind of thing, so it kinda drove me insane for a while. That’s why you got all those weird texts before, so sorry about that._

 _Anyway,_ katra _aren’t usually supposed to be put back in someone’s body—because they’re dead—but Spock’s body was left on an experimental planet called Genesis. It was built for terraforming purposes, so that it could rapidly bring life to a totally lifeless planet. But it also had the effect of regenerating dead things on the planet—AKA, Spock’s body._

 _There was a whole mess involved, but we eventually managed to get Spock’s body back and put his_ katra _back in there. And now, miraculously, he’s alive again. It’s been a wild ride, as you can imagine. Spock, he… He doesn’t remember a whole lot, and only has vague memories of what we had before. I’m trying to give him space to figure it out, but it’s hard. I don’t even know if he’ll want to be in a relationship again. I know that sounds insecure, but this Spock is just so different – I honestly can’t see what someone like him would want with someone like me._

_But I’m really just relieved that he’s alive. Even if he doesn’t want anything from me anymore, my life was so…empty without him. Just the fact that he’s here is enough. I love him, and always will, and I’m so fucking glad he has this second chance at life, that someone as wonderful and intelligent as he is isn’t lost forever._

_…God, I’m sorry, you don’t need to sit here and listen to me crying. I’ll sign off now. I probably won’t be able to talk much, but I’ll try to send updates. Love you._

Dax: _Damn Lenny I wish I could be there for u right now. Want me to come to Vulcan? I can steal a shuttle_

Len: _No we’re leaving soon anyway, probably to get court-martialed on Earth_

Dax: _Ouch. Hugs and kisses from me and Nilani <3 _

Dax: _Hey Lenny, not sure if you’re back from 1980s Earth or whatever but I thought u could use a distraction! I recently built a shuttle all by myself and I’m taking it out on a test launch. It’s probably a little premature to test out its impulse engine but I think it’s worth the risk! If I can get this baby up and running I can go anywhere, anytime. It’ll be AWESOME_

Len: _Just be careful ok?_

Dax: _U sound like my wife! But I will be ofc_

Len: _Spock and I have decided to start dating again, now that he’s more or less got his memories back. It’s gonna be different, but kinda fun I think to start all over again_

Len: _Didn’t think my life would one day be camping in Yosemite with Spock and Jim and watching Jim fall off a mountain, but here I am_

Len: _Didn’t catch your interest either, huh? How about chasing Spock’s crazy half-brother halfway across the galaxy? Think I have irrefutable proof that Sarek can’t raise kids for shit_

Stardate 2285.6

Unknown: _Is this Leonard McCoy?_

Len: _Yes, who is this?_

Unknown: _This is Nilani, Torias’s husband. I don’t know how to tell you this, but Torias has died in a shuttlecraft accident_

Len: _Oh my God that’s horrible. Are you ok?_

Kahn: _No. But…well I guess Dax isn’t my business anymore_

Len: _I’m so sorry. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you_

Len: _I got a message from Nilani – she told me you crashed in a shuttlecraft and that Torias is dead. She hasn’t heard anything since though. Are you ok? Did they get you to a new host in time?_

Stardate 2285.9

Len: _Dax?_


	4. Curzon

Stardate 2286.1

Dax: _Lenny_

Len: _Dax!! Where the hell have you been all this time? Are you ok? I’ve been worried sick about you!_

Dax: _I’m fine now. I…I don’t know what happened, exactly. I think I was comatose for a while…_

Len: _Dax it’s been SIX MONTHS!_

Dax: _It…it has…?_

Len: _Dax I’m worried about you. Do I need to come to Trill?_

Dax: _No…no. The doctors here say I just need a few days to adjust to the new host. I’ll send you a proper message then – I’m not a lazy sack of bones like Torias was!_

Dax: _Oh and it’s Curzon now!_

Stardate 2286.2

_Lovely Lenny!_

_It appears to be customary for each new Dax host to send you a letter about their lives, so here’s mine! Prepare to be_ dazzled _. I’m a Federation ambassador to the Klingon Empire, if you can even imagine something so exciting! I love the Klingons – I know humans have some reservations about them, but they’re great fun. They’re honorable, they’re tough, and they have the most rambunctious laughs you’ve ever heard! They’re also_ very _into their bloodwine – which is excellent, by the way._

_I also love playing tongo, a Ferengi game, Juro Counterpunch, a form of martial arts, and women! Boy do I_ love _women!! I’m also a betting man, and I do enjoy the Rujian Steeplechase races._

_It sounds like you were into some crazy stuff while I was out of commission, I’m sorry I missed it! I hope you at least holotaped Jim falling off the mountain for me._

_Tell Spock that if he thought I was insufferable before, I’m about a hundred times worse now! Speaking of Spock, I do hope that you two have patched things up. The universe’s not as interesting without the two of you arguing with one another!_

Stardate 2286.3

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_You sure gave me a hell of a scare Dax, but I’m glad it seems like you’re back to what I assume is your normal jovial attitude._

_You seem like you live an exciting and tension-filled life – I’m sure Jim would enjoy the hell out of your company. As for me, I suspect I now have another idiot I deeply care for that’s running off doing stupid things, so, just try not to get yourself killed or on somebody’s bad side, okay? I’ll always come rescue you, but I’d rather_ not _._

_As for Spock? Definitely a no. I hope we can meet in person sometime just to see how he deals with you, because I think it’ll be hilarious. I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it too._

_We are patching things up, slowly. Things are a_ lot _better now than they were a year ago. We’re back on the_ Enterprise _, sailing around like nothing’s changed, but I don’t know, it feels normal, right._

_Guess I’m getting sentimental in my old age._

Stardate 2289.6

_Lovely Lenny!_

_Yours truly recently represented the Federation during the first-ever negotiations with the Klingons at the colony on Korvat! It was very exciting, though a total bust I’m afraid to say. I suspect they’ll be willing to try more negotiations in the future, however. Kang, the main representative of the Klingon Empire, was spouting the most ludicrous bullshit you’ve ever heard! I bet you’ll never believe this, but it was so outrageous I just walked out on him! He was still speaking, too! Klingons respect that kind of thing, though, so I’ve kept in contact with him and the other two Klingons there. Seems like the blossoming of a beautiful friendship – and Kang had absolutely_ hilarious _things to say about one James T. Kirk!_

_You’ve gotta meet these guys, Lenny – they know how to have a lot of fun! And they love the bottle just as much as you and I do! Strange how people from such incredibly different worlds can be more or less the same, in the end._

_Well? Did you find that profound? Of course you did! Love to you and Spock!_

Stardate 2293.1

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_You’re always going on and on about Klingons – maybe you can help me feel better about this._

_Sarek, Spock’s daddy, convinced him to open up peace talks between him and Gorkon, the Klingon high chancellor. Apparently Gorkon responded really positively, and wants to negotiate with the Federation about de-establishing the Neutral Zone as soon as possible. And Spock has volunteered us, the_ Enterprise _to personally escort Gorkon to Earth. I’m proud of him for getting this rolling—it’s something we both believe in, strongly I might add—but damn if it doesn’t make me nervous, being that close and personal with the Klingons. And I guess that’s my own prejudice that I need to work on getting over if any of this is ever going to work._

_But things like this…they just make me jumpy anymore. I guess after all we’ve been through, I’m terrified I’m going to lose Spock again. All the time._

_At least I can take comfort from the fact that, after this, it’s only a few months until retirement. I badly need it._

Dax: _Your concerns are understandable Lenny, but one thing you should know about Klingons is that they’re very honorable people. They don’t set ambushes, and they don’t beat around the bush about who their enemies are. If Chancellor Gorkon says he is coming for peace negotiations, then that is what he is coming for. Without a doubt_

Len: _Thanks Dax I think I needed to hear that. Hopefully this assignment goes without a hitch because lord knows I do NOT need any more excitement in my life_

Stardate 2293.2

_Lovely Lenny!_

_It was so wonderful seeing you at Khitomer, even if it was only for a short while and not under the best of circumstances. I feel I must point out the irony that that last mission of yours was in fact one of the worst ones for you, though I am so terribly sorry you went through that. Makes me outraged every time I think about it! I assure you every negotiation I make with the Klingons from now on will include scathing remarks about that incident!_

_As for the peace talks, they went quite smoothly after your crew jumped in and saved everyone. I knew one day my flair for the dramatic would rub off on you! I’m sure you’ve heard, but there’s a treaty being written, and I’m confident that it’ll be signed at least by the end of this year. And it was all because of Spock that we even got to this point! I know me and your beloved pointed-eared hobgoblin don’t get along all that well, but he’s a hell of a diplomat. I know it’s not his passion, but he should consider taking it up! And that’s praise from_ me _, so you know it must be true!_

_Love you, Lenny. Let’s take some leave together soon, go out on the town and all that. The both of us deserve a break, I think!_

Stardate 2293.3

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I wanted to thank you—_ really _thank you!—for calling me ‘Lenny’ in front of Jim at Khitomer_ _last month. Now he won’t shut up about it – I thought ‘Bones’ was bad, but him calling me Lenny is a thousand times worse. And the_ giggling _– oh God the giggling! Lately he’s gotten into the fun habit of just looking at me and bursting out laughing, which is just great. You just had to make my life miserable, didn’t you Curzon?_

_Oh, one good thing though – Starfleet decided to send us into early retirement, which was a massive relief for me, less so for everyone else. Spock seems so lost without his Starfleet duties. We’re spending the time off in Georgia with Joanna, and I’ll tell you, I’ve never seen a Vulcan look so out of place. Jim’s been drinking and rock climbing obsessively, which is not a good combination. Spock and I are going to periodically check up on him while we’re here to make sure he doesn’t kill himself. Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov are staying on – they’ve got the bulk of their careers ahead of them still, and they’ll do a fine job. Scotty’s taking a page from my book and spending all of his time on his boat with a bottle of Scotch. Sounds like pure bliss to me._

_Anyway, I gotta go find my Vulcan space heater and pass out in a hammock with him somewhere. I gotta tell ya Curzon – for an old guy like me, retirement is the_ life _._

Stardate 2293.6

Len: _Dax I… Spock and I got a message today and…Jim is dead_

Dax: _Oh that is horrible news. I’m terribly sorry Lenny, I know how much he meant to the both of you_

Len: _I just…it doesn’t seem real. He was just going on a ceremonial voyage of the new_ Enterprise _, it wasn’t supposed to DO anything. Spock and I weren’t even with him dammit_

Dax: _Don’t beat yourself up over this Lenny, there was no way either of you could’ve known_

Len: _I don’t know what to do without him_

Dax: _Oh Lenny_

Dax: _Go to Spock, ok? Knowing you two you’re both being stubborn and unreasonable, but you need each other right now. I’ll come visit you both as soon as I can_

Dax: _And I’m here for you always Lenny_

Stardate 2294.2

_Lovely Lenny!_

_I am_ enraged _! I can hardly even_ think _about what has happened without getting infuriated all over again! I need to rant to someone, and unfortunately for you Lenny, you’re first on my contacts list._

_Have I told you about this albino Klingon bastard before? He’s probably the most well-known criminal in Klingon history – a raider, just like in the old days, but instead of targeting other species, he’s targeting his own! Klingon colonies! He kills without mercy, and takes whatever he wants, no matter what he has to do to get it! It’s despicable and dishonorable, what he does._

_A few years ago, my good friends Kor, Koloth, and Kang were dispatched to capture the Albino and bring him to justice. (A loose term, as you know how Klingon trials tend to be.) They succeeded in taking down his base, but were unfortunately unable to catch the slippery bastard._

_When the Albino escaped, he told my dear friends that he would enact revenge on their firstborn sons. A Klingon never jokes about revenge, so we were on high alert, but he has… He has killed them anyway, Lenny. Even little Dax, my own godson. We’re still not entirely sure how he did it. All we know is that he created a genetic virus specifically for the children, and it killed them, so horribly slowly. It was the most painful thing I have ever witnessed._

_I swear I will not let this pass unpunished, Lenny. This Albino_ must _be stopped. I swore a blood oath with my friends that we would find and kill the Albino if it’s the last thing we do._

_And with the four of us on the war path, there’s no way we’ll fail!_

Len: _Not sure I understand the whole blood oath thing, but be careful ok?_

Dax: _Lenny! When have you EVER known me not to be careful?_

Len: _Curzon_

Dax: _I’ll be fine Lenny! Don’t spend your precious retirement time worrying about little ol’ me!_

Len: _I hardly do anything else these days_

Stardate 2300.1

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_It’s the turn of the century, so naturally I’m completely changing everything about my life. Spock and I have decided to move to Vulcan. I told you before how tired I was, always worrying that I was going to lose Spock again, and I think after what happened with Chancellor Gorkon’s assassination he started feeling the same way about me. I’m getting too old to be going around on spaceships all the time anyway, even if I’m just hanging off a Vulcan’s arm looking pretty. And after Jim died…well, let’s just say living on Earth isn’t feasible anymore._

_Spock’s gonna be an ambassador like his daddy. I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear that, after your glowing review of his first diplomatic performance! He’ll be on and off world as duty requires, but while he’s here, the Vulcan Science Academy has offered him a lab that he’s allowed to use however he pleases. It’s definitely a far cry from how they treated him back when he was a kid. I don’t think he’ll ever forget it either, even though he’s taking them up on the lab. I hope he gives ‘em hell._

_As for me, I managed to get my human self hired in a small clinic not far from where we’ll live. I’m sure a lot of Vulcans will be uncomfortable with me being their doctor at first, but hell, I’m nothing if not stubborn. I’ve lived with a Vulcan long enough to know all their tricks. I don’t imagine I’ll fit in all that well on Vulcan, but eventually one of us will adapt—me or Vulcan. We’ll see which one budges first._

_Oh, also, Spock and I are getting married. The Vulcan way and everything. Figured it was about time. So. You’re invited and all that._

Dax: _Lenny! What is this completely unexcited way you speak about this!! You’re getting married!!! You should be ecstatic!!!! And yelling!!!!!!!!_

Len: _I’m not you Curzon_

Dax: _An oversight on your part I’m sure!_

Stardate 2301.1

_Lovely Lenny!_

_I just wanted to say I_ truly _enjoyed your wedding. Vulcans can be so uptight with their whole “no emotion” thing, but I found the ceremony quite moving. I_ especially _enjoyed the after party – I’m glad I can always count on a McCoy wedding to have excellent alcohol. Made me think fondly of all the trouble we got into at your bachelor party back on Earth all those years ago!_

_I also got_ the softest _photo of you two, and I’m going to hang it over both of your heads for the rest of your lives. I love it. I already put it on my desk at work._

_Anyway, I know you’re off on your honeymoon so I won’t bother you with a long message. I looked up the Vulcan phrase for congratulating you on your wedding, so here it is: *indistinct*_

_…I don’t think that was right. Oh well!_

_Love you Lenny, you old dog!_

Stardate 2320.2

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Only took twenty years, but I think I’m finally getting used to calling this place home._

_I couldn’t get used to it for the longest time. No one speaks when they don’t have to, and god forbid anyone greet each other politely on the street! I also missed emotional expression way more than I thought I was going to. I got so used to Spock, I guess, and his little ways of expressing emotion that I forgot full-Vulcans are even more expressionless. I was pretty depressed the first few years we were here. Spock and his mother’s warm smiles were the only things that got me through it._

_But I’ve finally found things I like about this place, too. I like the food, surprisingly – Vulcan does itself a disservice by advertising_ plomeek _as its most famous dish to off-worlders. Everything has so much flavor and variance in texture, it’s incredible. We also live really close to the L-langon mountains, a beautiful range with a lot of animals that I’ve started cataloging and observing as a hobby. Spock likes to meditate there on the weekends, so I wander off on my own and explore, and I can finally travel around without getting completely lost. I also love the desert at night – it’s beautiful, and Vulcan never ruined their planet with light pollution like we did on Earth, so the view is breathtaking. We’ve also got a pet_ sehlat _, who really is just a big ol’ teddy bear, and I love taking her on walks through the neighborhood._

_And I love Spock, and being here with him, of course. I love that he can finally feel settled here, in this place he wanted to call home for so long. I called it home the other day and his eyes got so bright I honestly thought he was going to start crying. Wouldn’t that have been a sight to behold!_

_So I guess I’m the one that adapted first, not Vulcan. But being here with Spock…it doesn’t feel like I lost anything._

Stardate 2339.8

_Lovely Lenny!_

_I am truly exhausted, my friend, but the Klaestron civil war is finally over._

_I was sent to mitigate this conflict, but I must admit the situation was entirely out of my hands. My good friend, General Tandro, was murdered in cold blood by the rebels while we were in the middle of attempting to initiate peace talks. He became a martyr, causing the people to rise up and take care of the rebels themselves. In the end, I did nothing – the conflict just ended on its own._

_I am truly saddened by Tandro’s death, and that of all the others. I hope perhaps this incident will lead to an improved government for Klaestron._

_I’m afraid I must sign off, Lenny. Tandro’s wife is devastated, and I must tend to her. Love to you and Spock._

Stardate 2346.3

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Spock’s off negotiating with Cardassians and I’m bored, so I thought I’d say howdy._

_Life is just about the same around here, though I think today was the first day that a new patient came into the clinic and_ didn’t _look as surprised as a Vulcan can get to see a human manning the store. It was refreshing, really – you don’t know how exhausting it’s been having every patient doubt your medical expertise and try to request a different doctor. But I guess this means all my hard work paid off – maybe people are actually_ finally _understanding that it’s possible for a human to have just as much knowledge of Vulcan physiology as a Vulcan._

_Spock’s been keeping busy as usual. At Khitomer, he started talking with this Romulan guy—Pardek I think—to see if there’s any Romulan interest in a reunification with Vulcan, and apparently there’s actually a growing movement on Romulus for exactly that. Spock’s sticking to subspace negotiations for now, but I know it’s just a matter of time before he’s up and running off to Romulus. This guy—this guy that I love—could not stop working on projects even if he was on his death bed. But he believes strongly in everything, so I just try to support him. And yell at him when he’s truly being stupid._

_It does mean it gets a little lonely around here, sometimes. Wanna come visit an old man on this hot as hell planet? I think the Vulcan people as a whole could use a little scandalization over two men laughing uproariously long into the night._

Dax: _I will be RIGHT over_

Len: _I figured you would be, light’s on for you_

Stardate 2355.4

_Lovely Lenny!_

_I met a charming young man named Benjamin Sisko today._

_We’ve both been posted on Pelios Station, an assignment I didn’t think was going to be interesting_ at all _until I met this young man. He’s raw and a bit immature, but passionate – I think I can make a fine man out of him yet! He’s got quite the little temper on him though, I’ll tell you that! Have to keep my eye on_ him, _especially since he’s got a little son just born and he won’t be alive to see him grow up if he keeps pissing off the Zakdorns that live here. But I know exactly what I’m going to do – I’m going to make him practically a servant to all of the VIP guests we bring onboard. He’ll learn about humility and the inner workings of the Federation,_ and _he’ll absolutely hate it! It’ll be a riot._

_The kid calls me ‘old man’ though – I mean really! How old does he think I am?!_

Stardate 2355.5

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_Aha, I see you’ve finally reached the point in your lives where you understand what I mean by how goddamn pleasing it is so terrorize those youngsters. When I used to teach xenobiology at the Academy, my favorite part was making all those young hotshots squirm. It’s good to have a little confidence going into a deep space mission, but like you said, they’ve gotta learn humility too. They can’t know everything, and they sure as hell can’t always figure out everything in time to save lives. People die, despite our best efforts to the contrary, and the sooner they learn that the better, I think._

_Sometimes I miss doing that, as much as I wasn’t really a fan of the whole teaching thing. It was rewarding to guide young people into being better doctors and scientists. Though the grading part I could’ve done without!_

_Give young Benjamin hell for me._

_And I hate to break it to you Curzon, but trust me – a man of nearly a hundred is pretty damn old._

Stardate 2358.9

_Lovely Lenny!_

_I’m serving on the USS Livingston now, and you’ll never guess who I ran into again! That’s right – Benjamin Sisko, my favorite youngster! He’s serving on board too, and I’m truly pleased we will still be able to spend time together – I have much left to teach him, even if he did manage to squeeze in a promotion to Lieutenant!_

_There’s quite the cast of interesting characters on this starship, I’ll tell you that. Why, just the other day young Benjamin and I witnessed a science officer eat_ eight whole helpings _of Andorian redbat in one sitting!! Now you’re the doctor – you_ must _tell me how incredibly and astonishingly unhealthy that is for a human. For_ anybody _, I should think._

_It truly is a shame you’re no longer serving onboard starships, my friend. My biggest regret is that you and I never got to sail into glory aboard the same starship together – imagine how spectacular that would’ve been! Though I’m sure I can at least convince the Captain to stop by at Vulcan sometime soon. Prepare Spock for my arrival – he seemed quite shocked by me the last time!_

Stardate 2364.4

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I visited the_ Enterprise-D _today to scrutinize their Sickbay. It’s still hard for me to believe that this is the fifth of the damn things, and it’s even harder to believe that I only served on two of those five. The_ Enterprise _feels like_ our ship _, but of course it’s not anymore. So when they invited me to tour the new gal, I figured I had to at least come out and see it, size it up. Spock’s away on a diplomatic mission so I thought what the hell, it doesn’t hurt to get out some._

_I always forget I’m an Admiral until I get onboard a ship like that. It was all a technicality to me, but those young fellows treated me like I was royalty! Didn’t even complain when I bitched and moaned about using the transporter and they had to shuttle me over to the_ Hood _instead. It amused me, deep in this ol’ country heart of mine._

_The fellow they had guide me around was certainly unusual – an android, and the most complex and stable one I’ve ever met. Knew something was off when he could recite my age so precisely, and he didn’t have any of those pointed ears I’ve grown so fond of over the years. Seems like a nice young man, though he had the gall to lecture_ me _about Vulcans! I’ve dealt with all sorts of Vulcans in all sorts of ways before he was even_ born _. Or constructed, or whatever you call it for artificial life._

_But it’s good to see that he—and a Klingon even!—can serve for Starfleet now. I remember back in the day when it was just Spock, surrounded by humans who couldn’t get their heads out of their asses, including me. This next generation’s going to be better than ours, I think._

Stardate 2364.8

_Lovely Lenny!_

_As you know, I’ve recently been working as a field docent for the Symbiont Commission, a job I’m sure would’ve made Audrid very happy. I’m taking your words to heart and capitalizing on the great joy I find in terrorizing the youth – I have quite the reputation of “breaking initiates” here, which I’m proud of._

_I recently rejected a promising new initiate from the program. Her name was Jadzia, and I must say Lenny…in this case I am not at all proud of what I’ve done. You know I’m a womanizer – I’m not ashamed to admit that. But when I met this young woman, Jadzia…my heart was completely swept away, Lenny, in a way that I’ve never experienced before. She was so vibrant, and full of life, and_ determined _– nothing could break that girl, not even an old man like me. I couldn’t help but fall in love with her. And as soon as I realized it, I knew I couldn’t be around her as her supervisor; I would’ve done something inappropriate. So I…I flunked her. I know you’re going to say I could’ve asked someone else to take over as her supervisor, but what reason could I possibly give for that? How would I uphold my reputation? As usual, my motives were completely selfish. It doesn’t feel good this time, however._

_I do hope she reapplies to the program. She would make a great host, and deserves better than the treatment I gave her._

Stardate 2364.9

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_You always manage to get yourself into some kind of trouble, don’t you Curzon? To me it sounds like you flunked the best candidate to be joined, and I honestly think you_ should _feel bad about that. That girl worked hard to get where she was, and you didn’t give her a chance for reasons entirely out of her control. She’s gonna spend the rest of her life wondering why she wasn’t good enough, when you know she would’ve been the best._

_Maybe this will inspire you to grow as a person, though, huh? A man well into his hundreds still has room to grow up from the man-child he’s insisted on being all this time!_

_I know I’m being harsh on you, but know I do it out of love. And it’s also out of love that I don’t tell you what Spock had to say about this, because while I think you were a total block-head, you don’t deserve the scathing comments he had for you._

_I do hope that girl reapplies, and that you’ll learn your lesson about falling for women six times younger than you._

_Take care of yourself, Curzon. And love to you, you crazy old bastard._


	5. Jadzia

Stardate 2367.7

Dax: _Lenny! It’s Jadzia now :)_

Len: _WHAT?? What happened to Curzon?_

Dax: _He’s passed on unfortunately_

Len: _Ok I’m not sure I should even ask but how the hell do you DIE on Risa?? Here I thought you were on vacation!_

Dax: _Have you ever been to Risa Lenny?_

Len: _No – I think Spock would combust in a place like that!_

Dax: _Ha! Probably. But if you went you’d know how a man over 100 could die in a place like that ;)_

Len: _Huh. Guess I better stay away then!_

Len: _I had to check our previous messages just to make sure but Curzon was your supervisor when you were training to join right? That must work strangely in your brain_

Dax: _He was. He flunked me from the program so I was really surprised when he approved me to be the next Dax host after I finally did pass. I’ve always wondered what I did wrong. Do you know?_

Len: _Ah_

Len: _Well he was a crazy old bat, you know that_

Dax: _Alright Lenny what aren’t you telling me?_

Len: _I really don’t think it’s my place to tell, Jadzia. If you don’t already know, then Curzon must be purposefully keeping it from you and I’m not gonna be the one who tattles_

Dax: _You’re just as stubborn as Curzon was!_

Len: _Ha! Why do you think we got along so well?_

Stardate 2367.9

_Lovely Lenny,_

_Sorry it took a couple of months to get my first message out to you – I’ve been working on assimilating seven lifetimes of memories and experiences. It wasn’t really as hard as I thought it would be, which I guess means I did my homework well enough!_

_Also, silly me, I never told you anything about my life, did I? I’ve basically been working my whole life to be joined. I was a shy, quiet little kid, but I really wanted to be joined to a symbiont, so I worked day and night studying to get into the Trill Initiate Program. Along the way I discovered how much I loved science and thinking about how the universe works. I attended Starfleet Academy before I was joined, majoring in several things but specifically astrophysics. To think, after all these lifetimes of knowing him, this is the first time I’ll actually have something to talk about with Spock! It’s unfortunate that I’m finally in Starfleet when neither of you are anymore. Luckily I have seven lifetimes of friends to run into again! It should be great fun._

_I feel like a new person now that I’m joined. I don’t know if it’s because I finally achieved the goal I’ve worked towards all my life or if it’s Dax’s influence, but I feel so…_ free _to live life! I plan to experience it to the fullest._

_I’m looking forward to getting to know you for myself, Lenny! All my love!_

Stardate 2368.8

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_This year’s been a rough one for us, Jadzia. Spock went to Romulus recently to assess and empower the reunification movement there, a trip I was explicitly forbidden from joining him on. We had a huge argument about that one, but eventually I had to concede that he was right – I’m so dang old I’d be lucky to survive the TRIP to Romulus, let alone an extensive stay there. And that’s not even considering how Romulans feel about humans, so I know it really would’ve been a bad idea. Still wasn’t very happy about it though, and neither was Spock I don’t think, but it was something he felt he had to do. It’s probably a little silly that I missed him so damn much even though he was hardly gone, but hell, old age makes me sentimental._

_I’m just happy he’s back now. Sarek passed away while Spock was gone, so we’re just now getting to wrapping up his affairs. Everything’s pretty depressing around here, but it’s better since we’re together again. Spock’s promised me he’ll limit his trips to Romulus to just a few weeks at a time in the future._

_I don’t know why I’m being so damn weird about the whole thing. It’s not like it’s uncommon for Spock to be gone on diplomatic missions for long periods of time. …I guess with Sarek dying it just really sunk in that all we have left anymore is each other. Spock’s parents are both gone, all of our friends have long since passed – Jim, Scotty, Nyota, Christine, Hikaru, Pavel, Geoff. And I know I don’t have much longer either, realistically. I mean I’m 141 goddamn years old! But I can’t stand the thought of leaving Spock alone after this. Maybe that more than anything was why I wanted to go with him to Romulus so damn bad. I want all the time we have left to be spent together._

_But I guess that means I just have to hold on for as long as possible, for his sake and yours, Jadzia. Can’t go dying on you when we’ve technically just met and all!_

Stardate 2368.9

_Lovely Lenny,_

_I’m sorry things have been so hard for the both of you. I’m sorry to hear about Sarek especially – tell Spock I grieve with thee._

_Having gone through seven lifetimes, I wish I had any good advice for you, but in all honesty I don’t think getting old and losing those you care about ever gets any easier. And maybe it shouldn’t, since that would mean we’ve started not to care about those around us. And I certainly can’t imagine you ever losing your compassion, Lenny. But I think you and Spock are doing everything you can and supporting one another like you always do, and I know you’ll have many more years together._

_It’s strange – I feel just as old, and yet my career is just starting. I’m getting assigned to Deep Space 9 in a couple of months, which I’m looking forward to. The Federation’s never had a station out that far, so I’m sure there will be all sorts of new things to explore and learn about. The station was also recently abandoned by the Cardassians after the Bajoran rebellion drove them away, so it’ll be fun trying to learn how their technology works. I’m looking forward to working more closely with the Bajorans too as they take their first steps into sovereignty after 50 years of occupation. And the best part is, a certain Benjamin Sisko will be my commanding officer! I was so happy to hear that he accepted the position – he hasn’t been the same since his wife Jennifer died in the battle with the Borg, and he was more lost than I’ve ever seen him. I’m sure this assignment will keep him on his toes, and maybe take his mind off things. And it’ll be nice for me to start my assignment with a friend like him on the station. He’s grown a lot since that young rowdy rascal I used to know._

_I’m sure I’ll never be bored, anyway!_

Stardate 2369.6

_Lieutenant Dax,_

_This is Spock. Knowing Leonard, I am sure he has neglected to tell you that his health has been failing as of late. He refuses to see a doctor or tell me his self-diagnosis, but I do not believe he has much longer left to live. I think he would be pleased to see you one last time. If this is possible, please tell me where we can meet you._

_Scintillating Spock,_

_…Is it that time already? It seems like just yesterday when I met Lenny at Ole Miss. Did he ever tell you the story? I was judging a gymnastics competition and I was running late, as I’m sure Lenny has told you I always am, and I was so hopelessly lost. I’d never been to Earth before and I wasn’t expecting their college campuses to be so large and confusing. Lenny was the only person who stopped and asked if I needed help. He was such a gentleman! He offered to walk me to where I needed to go even though he was late for class himself and even gave me his number to contact him if I got lost again._

_At the time, I thought he was just trying to pick me up—and he succeeded!—but as I got to know him, I realized that wasn’t it at all. He genuinely wanted to help me, and I’ve always loved that about him, his ability to care about others no matter who they are. I always knew he was going to be a doctor, and a damn good one at that._

_…I’m sorry. This must be hard for you too, and here I am rambling on about old times. You’d think, being a joined Trill, I’d be used to losing people by now. Not very logical of me, is it Spock?_

_I’d love to see you both. I just got stationed on Deep Space 9 – it’s a bit of a mess, but it’s a pretty interesting place. Maybe even fascinating!_

Stardate 2369.7

_Lovely Lenny,_

_You wanted me to tell you when I got settled on Deep Space 9, so here’s my message for you._

_I’ll tell you Lenny – it was an absolute mess when we got here. Lights flickering, rubble everywhere, that kind of thing. The Cardassians destroyed everything they could before they abandoned the station, so we’ve all had our work cut out for us. I don’t think Chief O’Brien, our chief engineer, will have a day’s rest for at least a year._

_I’ve gotta say though, there are a lot of interesting characters here. Major Kira of Bajor is Benjamin’s second, and I think she’ll be good for him. She’s extremely passionate and stubborn, and she may be Benjamin’s only hope in hell for getting anything done. She’s not too happy about the Federation being here though, and I can’t say I blame her. She’s spent her whole life fighting against the Cardassian occupation, so in her eyes the Federation being here must seem like another blow against Bajoran freedom. I hope we can convince her that’s not the case._

_Our chief of security, Odo, is a shapeshifter! I’ve never seen anyone like him before. The forms he can acquire are absolutely incredible, and he has one of the driest senses of humor I’ve ever seen. He seems very closed off, but you know me – no one can resist me for long! I’m sure we’ll be friends in no time._

_Oh, and I know you want to hear all about our station doctor, Julian Bashir. He’s adorably awkward, and he’s got an ego about the size of the station itself! He flirted with me the whole shuttle ride to the station, and while I can’t say I minded it, I think he may be a bit in over his head with me! He has wild ideas of practicing ‘frontier medicine’ and becoming a hero. Far cry from another Starfleet doctor I know! I have to admit though, it’s kind of refreshing not being around jaded, grouchy officers all the time. Hopefully he can keep his naivety for a little longer. He is a little sensitive though, so try not to scare him too badly when you come._

_…Was that supposed to be a surprise? Tell Spock I’m sorry for spoiling it, but not that sorry._

_I’m so excited you’ll finally get to meet Benjamin! After all these years of me telling you both about each other, you’ll finally get to see what I’ve been talking about. I did fail to mention that my Lenny was_ the _Dr. Leonard McCoy though, so I think he may have a heart attack when you and Spock walk in. I’m looking forward to it!_

 _And I think you’ll love our Ferengi bartender, Quark. Let’s just say you’ll appreciate his willingness to turn a blind eye to certain things. If you don’t tell him I’ve taught you how to play_ tongo _, I think we’ll have an excellent time._

_See you soon, Lenny! Love to you and Spock!_

_Darlin’ Dax,_

_I can’t believe I’m finally going to get to see you in person again, and you don’t even have the courtesy to be a curmudgeonly old man like me when I do! Instead, you’ll be some beautiful young woman named Jadzia. Way to make a guy feel old and gray!_

_I’m not sure what Spock told you to arrange this little visit, but I’m grateful. It’ll be good to see you, old friend. And the best part is that I can shuttle into Deep Space 9! Because no way in_ hell _am I going through a transporter at my age!_

_I’m looking forward to meeting your coworkers. Grouchy officers and I get along just fine, and that bartender sounds like a godsend. Make sure to distract Spock for me while I’m there, alright? And don’t you know it’s my job to scare the hell out of these new and upcoming doctors? Sounds like it’ll be easy with our friend Bashir – I apologize in advance if I crush his naivety that you love so much. But my God, I can’t admit that he knows more than me after all!_

_Anyway, love you, and I’ll see you soon. Look for the old guy arguing with an ever-so-slightly fondly exasperated Vulcan – I’m sure we’ll fit right in at Deep Space 9!_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kaoru_of_hakone) and [tumblr](https://swimmingwolf59.tumblr.com/)


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